Bonus Family

When I hear the word "Step-mother" I think of the movie Cinderella. That wicked laugh, all those chores while her "real" kids got to do the fun stuff. Cinderella resorted to playing with rats! Or how about Snow White? She moved in with seven guys just to escape her evil step-mom!

When Jason and I got married he already had children, and I was determined NOT to be ANYTHING like Cinderella or Snow White's step-mothers. I met his girls, and I fell in love. These sweet, blond-haired, blue-eyed angels were a part of me now, even if only in my heart. I grew even more to hate the word "step-mother" and all the negative images it conjured. 

So who would I be, if not their step-mom? Well, at first Jason's ex-wife didn't like the idea of me being anything at all to their girls so I was just "Rachelle". She didn't know me, she didn't want to know me, and yet she was already sure she didn't like me. I gradually became "the step-mom" but was not happy about it. Still, I welcomed the title simply because it wasn't my name, and it included some form of the word "Mom". I fell evermore in love with his little girls.

Over the years things have changed drastically. We have DEFINITELY had our ups and downs, but in the end, Jason's ex-wife and I are friends, closer than I ever could have imagined actually! My place in the girl's lives has changed as well. I am a third parent, a "bonus" parent. I am their "Bonus Mom" and I love it!! They refer to me as their Bonus Mom and it feels much warmer and closer than a "step" title. We all work together to raise the kids, it works so much better that way. No fighting, no hassles, and no yelling.

Our Bonus Family has extended to include Jason's ex-wife's other two children as well. Our two boys were very excited to have Bonus Brothers. Even though they are not our blood, they are still our family because they are connect to us through the girls. We have a HUGE family now, and the best part about that... there's never a shortage of love and hugs!

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For the record, let me add:

Just because a person marries someone who has children, doesn't automatically make them a "parent"; step or otherwise. I have known some really awful step-parents!! (Not mine personally, thank God, my parents are still married.) A person who marries into a "family" should be prepared to take on the responsibility of such a role. You HAVE to know that those children were there before you were, and they deserve the FIRST and UTMOST priority! I absolutely love and adore my bonus kids and treat them just as I do my biological ones. They are a part of my husband, and thus, a part of my heart. What kind of person would I be if I turned them aside?

My point is, the title of "Bonus Mom" was not one that came fast, easily or without work. It should not be given or taken lightly. I am VERY proud of my title for many, many reasons... just as I am ALL of "my kids".