Forgiveness

I have needed forgiveness many times in my life. When I was little I took an orange crayon and walked all the way around the living room, leaving a nice bright stripe. I saw decoration, my parents saw disaster. But they forgave me. I also climbed a shelf that held my Mother's prized Japanese porcelain dolls, a gift, all the way from Japan. The shelf toppled and the dolls shattered. I was again forgiven. When I was learning to drive I hit a car in the library parking lot. Forgiven, by my Dad and the owner of the other car. He didn't even call the police! Later I kissed a boy my best friend reeeeally liked. Forgiven. (In my defense, I didn't know she liked him, but it was still a case that needed forgiveness.) I also broke the heart of someone who loved me very much, and amazingly, I was forgiven. Forgiven, forgiven, forgiven.

Over the years I have forgiven many people, too. In ninth grade, my then-boyfriend hit me in the mouth while we were goofing around and broke my two front teeth. Accident, and forgiven. My ex-husband cheated and lied to me repeatedly for many years. Eventually divorced, and forgiven. Someone I once considered a friend posted some snide and hateful things (about me and directed toward me) on the Internet. Forgiven.

Giving forgiveness did not come easily for me. I have learned how to do it over the years because it is necessary for my peace of mind. When someone hurts you, it's horrible. You trust them, and suddenly you are let down, hurt or betrayed in some fashion. In any circumstance when you are presented with the opportunity to forgive you have two choices; forgive them, or let the anger consume you.

When you let someone anger you, they control you. That was especially true for me after my divorce. That anger consumed every part of my life, every minute of my day, and even my dreams. I was haunted by this ultimate betrayal, all the things I knew... and all the things I didn't. It took years, but I was finally able to forgive him. When I did, I felt SO much better. It was a HUGE weight off my shoulders. My mind was much more at ease and I was finally ready to move on with my new, peaceful life.

God has forgiven us for all of our sins, even the ones we refuse to admit. He also tells us to forgive others. How many times? Seventy times seven!

"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked,  "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
"No, not seven times," Jesus replied,  "but seventy times seven!" -Matthew 18:21-22

Ok, so technically that is 490 times! Obviously this is not to be taken literally. It's not like you get 490 times to hurt me and then, "Welp! This is number 491, sorry, you're finished!" I believe that God means for us to be kind to others, to love them as we would want to be loved, to love them as He loves us, and to lead by example... HIS example. And how does God love us? Well, as I said in my previous blog, He loves us unconditionally, mercifully, without ceasing.

Please don't mistake forgiveness for being a doormat. Many people in this world will take kindness for weakness and will exploit it every chance they get. Just because I have forgiven a person does not mean they are welcome to still be a part of my life, to further hurt me. I do give second chances, and sometimes more than that. It depends on the person and the situations. However, I am NOT a doormat. You'll notice that in my "bio" is says I have a "low tolerance for liars, fakes, and drama queens". I've had enough of all three to fill ten lifetimes. I CHOOSE to have a quiet(ish) life and keeping these types of people at bay helps me to do just that.

When it comes to forgiveness I've learned a lot of things:
-I can love my neighbor/fellow man as God commands, but I can love them from a distance. I love and value myself enough to protect my sanity.
-I can forgive someone without allowing them back into my life, and that's OK.
-Everyone makes mistakes and I may be the one asking for forgiveness at any given moment.
-If you tell someone you have forgiven them, then let it be. Don't keep bringing it up after the fact. 
-It is much better to forgive, truly forgive, all the way to the bottom of your heart, than to harbor the anger and resentment. You aren't hurting anyone but yourself.
-Forgiveness is never guaranteed. If you receive it, you are very lucky. 

I know there's more but I can't think of it right now. I may come back later and add to the list. ;o) I hope you'll forgive whomever has hurt you, and I hope there aren't too many times you'll need to ask for forgiveness.

God Speed,
~Rachelle