Friendship, Or Is It?

“The friendship that can cease has never been real.”  ~ Saint Jerome

I’m going to have to disagree on this one. During my life, I’ve had many relationships that have come and gone. Just because they changed over time doesn’t mean they were never “real” when they were alive and well. 

You’ll have to give me a little room for this next one. OK, a lot of room… If we followed that logic in other areas, believing that anything, if changed, was never real in the first place, the world would be in a heap of trouble! What about the caterpillars that changed into butterflies? Were they never “real” caterpillars to begin with? Grapes made into wine were never grapes? So where did we get the butterfly, the wine, the raisin and a host of other turned-into creations if the things that created them were never “real”? Ridiculous, right? My point exactly. 

Every end is another beginning. People come in and out of our lives all the time. We never know how long we have them. We move away, relationships change, God has other plans for us… the whole reason/season thing. Let’s face it, we forget about people! Do you remember all of your “friends” from high school? Middle school? Elementary school? Even marriages end, the most sacred of all relationships, but it was still a marriage. However unhealthy, strained or whatever lead to their demise, it was still a “real” marriage at some point. Chances are they really loved each other when they got married. Yes, there are those exceptions, but for the sake of this argument we’re looking at the majority here. 

The same goes for a friendship. They can also become unhealthy or strained, and be forced to end. Most often it’s ugly, painful and loud. Hurt usually leads to the most intense anger and the biggest blowouts. If nobody cared, they wouldn’t fight. There would be nothing to fight over and they would simply walk away. The passionate fight comes from the emotion within, the feeling one has about the relationship, the situation, the other person, etc.  At some point, there is a change, and the friendship may cease, often out of self-preservation of one of the parties. 

Taking care of yourself is necessary. You know when you get on an airplane, and they give the safety speech and they tell you to put your own mask on before helping your children or others? The first time I heard that I was appalled! I thought, “Who would put on their own mask before helping their kid?” Then I realized that if you’re unconscious, you’re not much good to those around you, so if you don’t put your mask on first you probably won’t be helping too many other people. (Kid wisdom is fantastic, but slow.)   ;o)

The idea that a broken friendship was never a real one is just ludicrous to me. I’m sure there are arguments to the contrary, such as “a real friend would never leave, never let us fall apart, would work to save the friendship” but sometimes it just can’t be saved. 

I have learned that it’s OK to walk away from a bad situation, a bad friendship and even a bad marriage. In some cases, it’s even necessary to run.